The Mystery of Marriage Through Paul's Eyes.
October 29, 2024 - Tuesday of the Thirtieth Week in Ordinary Time
Ephesians 5:21-33
The fragment from Paul's letter to the Ephesians that we hear today is not easy to discuss in our contemporary Western culture. Since the rise of the feminist movement, Paul has often been criticized by some theologians for his stance that women should remain silent in the church (1 Cor 14:34) and that wives should submit themselves to their husbands. On the other hand, those who defend Paul remind us that the entire Bible is situated within a patriarchal culture, and Paul writes from this perspective as well.
The passage we meditate on today gives us a glimpse into a household during Paul's time. Paul tries to illuminate the patriarchal structure of Roman society with the message of the Gospel. What kind of relationship should exist between husbands and wives, parents and children, masters and slaves? Historians tell us that in the Greco-Roman world, women had little to no legal rights, and their roles were largely domestic and submissive. We hear of a similar situation in ancient China, where a woman was expected to obey her father before marriage, her husband afterward, and her elder son if her husband died. How does Paul view this relationship?
Our passage begins with a call to mutual submission, and then the apostle describes the relationship between husband and wife with two different words: "submission" and "love." I have always been surprised by this choice. But the surprise does not end here. These two words are connected with Christ. It is not just submission in the dictionary sense, which makes many of us uncomfortable. This submission is compared to our obedience to Christ. "Wives should be subordinate to their husbands as to the Lord" (Eph. 5:22). But as Paul turns to husbands, he speaks about love equal to Christ's love: "Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ loved the Church" (Eph. 5:25).
Paul sees the relationship between husband and wife from a Christian perspective. We express our love for Christ through obedience. Jesus said: "If you love me, you will keep my commandments" (John 14:15). The highest degree of that love is evident in martyrdom. Jesus also said: "There is no greater love than to lay down one’s life for one’s friends" (John 15:13). Then, his beloved disciple further explains: "This is how we know what love is: Jesus Christ laid down his life for us. And we ought to lay down our lives for our brothers and sisters" (1 John 3:16).
Applying Paul's analogy of the husband representing Christ and the wife representing the Church, we can grasp Paul's meaning regarding the relationship between husband and wife. As Jesus Christ sacrificed His life for the Church, so a Christian husband should do for his wife and family. And as the Church expresses her love for Christ by obeying Him, so a Christian wife should express her love for her husband and family. That is the ideal, but how about the practice?
This year my parents celebrate their 60th wedding anniversary. Both are in their eighties, both have gone through difficult times in their lives, and both have endured serious injuries. To me, they are an example that proves Paul's ideal is achievable. My parents exemplify the great mystery of the sacrament of marriage. They have become "one flesh." Neither can live without the other—their love is stronger, deeper, and more mature than ever. I wish all Christian couples such a relationship.